heartache...

I love, Love, LOVE my job. Ask anyone who knows me. I love going to work on Monday, I love coming back to work from vacation and my days at work never drag on. I love being a nurse, but I love being a correctional nurse even more! Plus I get to work with kids (adolescents), which is just icing on the cake! I've been at my job since December 2008 and can't imagine a better one!

I know I love my job because I had a job that I absolutely hated. I hated it so much that I would hope to get into a car accident on my way to work just so I wouldn't have to go to work. (Sick, twisted and wrong, huh??? I know, that's why I left.) Take that amount of hatred and that's how much I LOVE this job. Plus more. 

Now for the heartache. Friday I learned that the correctional company I work for lost their contract with the State of Utah. The contract was awarded to another company (the lowest bidder, I'm sure, which is understandable in this current economic state). This new company may or may not keep our nurses employed at our respective facilities. Their manager is supposed to contact my boss soon, and hopefully my boss can negotiate for our jobs at that time. Again, this happened Friday and we won't find anything out until next week sometime. It has been eating me alive ever since. 

I've been sick since I found out. I've had a knot in my stomach and been on the verge of tears all weekend (and the tears have spilled over a time or two). I've also been very snippy and short-tempered. I haven't been sleeping well or eating well and every spare moment is spent thinking about this. I've been running through every scenario in my mind (from best to worst):

• They keep us on (because they have no correctional experience and will keep our experience on board with them!)
• They keep us on but with a huge cut in pay (a small cut would not make me leave because I love it that much!)
• They keep us on, but only long enough to train their new hires. (This still means I'm out of the best job in the world).
• They let us go and I can't find another correctional job (my current company will keep all of us employed, but it would mean moving out of state).
• They let us go and I have to teach full-time. (I do love teaching, but I'm not ready to teach full-time).
• They let us go and I have to return to the hospital for work. (I am not meant to be a hospital nurse, but would take the job if I had to).
• They let us go and I can't find a nursing job at all. (The job market is currently saturated by nurses because of the downturn in the economy).

I'm sure there are many other ways this can play out. I also know I shouldn't worry until I there's actually something to worry about, but I can't help it. It's what I've done all weekend despite my best efforts to not. I keep trying to think positive, but I always end up worrying anyhow...